Jared (after watching me get undressed): sigh. We both have to do something. We are not the same
Me: do I look bad?
Jared: no but we both have put on too much weight
Me: im not ugly, am I? You still love me right?
Jared: no you're not ugly. You look decent.
Me: decent is code for fat
Jared: no, fat means fat. I said decent. But you do have dimples in your back
Me: oh my god, what??? (runs to mirror)
Jared (laughing): ha I love watching you squirm.
Me: yea well now I'm not gonna be squirming under you any time soon
Jared: you can be on top
Me: I'm not gonna squirm on top of you either
Jared: thats not what you said!