Car homo

While discussing cars:

Jared: I'd love for you to get a Caliber. A white one, like my Dakota
Me: I don't like Calibers though
Jared: Yeah, but Calibers are the car versions of the Dakotas. We could have them side by side in the yard and we woudl love them.
Me: ....
Jared: I'm gay for cars

She's catchy like an STD

 

Jared, in response to me changing the radio station: Hey I like that song!
Me: ugh I hate Pink.
Jared: no that was Ke$ha! Put it back!

Bras

Today, I decided to go bra shopping, despite it still being freezing out (40 degrees? Come on, Florida!) and my being sick (to the point where I was crying this morning for no reason at all other than the fact that my throat hurt). But to get out of the house, we decided to run some errands. Bra shopping it was!

On the escalator up, Jared was trying to come up with "modern" names for bras.

My favorite? The Nipple Concealing Device 47 (where the 47 comes from, I don't know. He didn't either, when I asked).

But here's a conversation he had with himself, acting out the part of the bra-selling lady and himself:
Jared (as Jared): Excuse me, maam, do you have the NCD47?
Jared (as Sales Lady): The what?
JaJ: The Nipple Concealing Device 47. Come on, woman, we don't have all day.
JaSL: I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what you're talking about.
JaJ: Fine, let me talk to your supervisor.
JaSL: Ok, she'll be right out.
JaJ: No, I said supervisor. That would be a man. Women aren't superior!
Jared, as a sidenote, as "sales lady" walks away: I'm changing the modern vernacular of brassiers. I just jumped bras up a hundred years!

I'm proud to say I bought a black and red NCD47 for $6. Without the help of a scared saleslady.

Dominated.

Our dog Sheila is nuts. We have to deal with her craziness on a daily basis. Jared, in an effort to "dominate" her today, held her down with his right arm (he's left-handed) and said this:

Jared: That's right. Dominated. With one arm. And it's not even my strong arm! I jerk off with my left hand! HAHAHAHA (<--that woudl be an evil laugh).

Then, later on, while talking to Sheila:
Jared: I've had shits with bigger IQs than you, Sheila. Recently.

As I type this, he's in the bedroom calling for her, and saying "Hey dummy!" to see if she'll answer.

Oh, my family. This is my family.