Our dog Sheila is nuts. We have to deal with her craziness on a daily basis. Jared, in an effort to "dominate" her today, held her down with his right arm (he's left-handed) and said this:
Jared: That's right. Dominated. With one arm. And it's not even my strong arm! I jerk off with my left hand! HAHAHAHA (<--that woudl be an evil laugh).
Then, later on, while talking to Sheila:
Jared: I've had shits with bigger IQs than you, Sheila. Recently.
As I type this, he's in the bedroom calling for her, and saying "Hey dummy!" to see if she'll answer.
Oh, my family. This is my family.