Dust fairies

Jared: have you ever noticed that our house never gets dusty?
Me: what do you mean?
Jared: like for some reason I never see dust on anything. Not on the tv or the fan or the bookshelves. Our house doesn't produce dust.

Can you tell who cleans more often? And to him it's more logical that a house is incapable of producing dust than to think that maybe his wife cleans a lot.

Some random Mehgan and Jared conversations

Oh you can only guess the rest of the conversations.
In this you'll see what stores get Jared going, his attempt at sweetness, and insults that would make any normal wife go to a divorce lawyer.

Also, Jared is really hoping he was conceived to "the heat of the moment" by Asia. His dad couldn't confirm it but told him it was the song if he wanted it to be. What kid wonders these things?

No insecurities here

Jared (after watching me get undressed): sigh. We both have to do something. We are not the same
Me: do I look bad?
Jared: no but we both have put on too much weight
Me: im not ugly, am I? You still love me right?
Jared: no you're not ugly. You look decent.
Me: decent is code for fat
Jared: no, fat means fat. I said decent. But you do have dimples in your back
Me: oh my god, what??? (runs to mirror)
Jared (laughing): ha I love watching you squirm.
Me: yea well now I'm not gonna be squirming under you any time soon
Jared: you can be on top
Me: I'm not gonna squirm on top of you either
Jared: thats not what you said!

Mehgan clones

Jared: if I had known you were gonna be this difficult, I wouldn't have dated you. One day I'm gonna clone you, and imgonna make you live with you for an hour. And you will kill you.
Me: how will you know which one would be left?
Jared: it doesn't matter! It'll be a win-win! You'll be dead, but I'll still have you!

Chocolate Oreo waffles

Jared: if you die, I will make gay marriage legal, just in the off chance I can find the guy who invented this and make him my bride.