Jared: you know why I really wanna have a kid, right? Because in 2 to 3 years, your self-esteem will be at an all-time low and you'll be more open to a threesome.
Me: what the hell???
Jared: that's what all this is about
Me: it's impossible for me to have low self-esteem anyway.
Jared: that's why we have to have a kid. We have to wreck your beautiful body in order for it to happen.