Jared: I had another weird dream last night. I dreamt that I came home and caught you hooking up with a chick in our bed and I was like "Oh, my bad" and closed the door and went and slept in the living room. There should be one of two responses to that: get pissed or join in. Not "Oh my bad" and walk away!
Me: You're a homo.
Then the other day:
Jared: I had a dream last night where one of my exes came to the house to sell you some Mary Kay, and you decided to kill her and hide her body. And you nonchalantly brought it up over dinner like it was no big deal.
Yep, bitches better step.