Work bonuses are actually a bonus

Another oldie that I came across.

This was actually a text conversation we had, but we basically sent the first two texts at the same time (we're such soul mates like that). And I had just taken a pregnancy test. Because, well, sometimes I worry.

Me: I'm not pregnant
Jared: I'm getting a bonus on my next check.
Jared: And now I don't have to spend it on an abortion!

Honeymoon Abortions.

This comes from a conversation we were having about our upcoming wedding. I was crunching numbers in my head about how much we (mostly I) have spent so far on the wedding.  I've bought a lot of things, such as little things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of our wedding, and he's paid for some, like half of the venue cost, the deposit on our honeymoon, the invitations. The big things, he says. Things that do matter.  But I've probably still taken care of most of it. He said he's paid a good bit of it, and I refuted it. And this is what came about.

Me: You haven't exactly paid much for this wedding so far.
Jared: Fine, I'll pay to abort our honeymoon baby.
Me: .....
Jared: I'm a horrible human being.

 Hey, at least he knows.