His name was Reba

Me: I don't even know what Kenny Chesney sounds like.
Jared: he sounds like balls in the back of a man's throat.
Me: how do you know what that sounds like?
Jared: because I've had my balls in the back of a man's throat. Didn't know it was a dude till the skirt came off. Still the best blow job I've ever had.
As I typed this, he pointed out how "ripped" a guy in our neighborhood is. He didn't want me to post this. Can you blame him?

blow job politics

jared: you know, im still very pro blow job.
me: and im still very anti blow job.
jared: i thought you were more middle of the road?
me: blow jobs arent politics.
jared: it is if you want to be re-elected as wife.