God's sense of humor

On a conversation about people asking us when we're having kids:

Me: I just tell people we're leaving it up to God.
Jared: I don't know, that guy can be kind of a prick. Not sure about babies? Here are some triplets! All girls!! All lesbians!
Me: At least we wouldn't have to pay for any weddings.
Jared: Yea but with our luck, we'd have one bull-dyke, one tomboy, and one lipstick lesbian. Money's going somewhere. 

motherly.

jared: youre not very motherly. but i can see myself in about ten years waking up with you standing over me with a penis pump and saying "im making a baby!"

apparently thats all takes to create a new life. a penis pump and a little persuasion.

Honeymoon Abortions.

This comes from a conversation we were having about our upcoming wedding. I was crunching numbers in my head about how much we (mostly I) have spent so far on the wedding.  I've bought a lot of things, such as little things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of our wedding, and he's paid for some, like half of the venue cost, the deposit on our honeymoon, the invitations. The big things, he says. Things that do matter.  But I've probably still taken care of most of it. He said he's paid a good bit of it, and I refuted it. And this is what came about.

Me: You haven't exactly paid much for this wedding so far.
Jared: Fine, I'll pay to abort our honeymoon baby.
Me: .....
Jared: I'm a horrible human being.

 Hey, at least he knows.