Something in common

Me: we have nothing in common
Jared: yes we do. We have stuff that matters in common
Me: like what?
Jared: (ridiculously loud ass-blowing fart)
Me: (annoyed and disgusted look)
Jared: you don't find farts funny? I thought we'd have that in common at least.

Hotel Pillows

Jared: I have 6 pillows on this bed
Me: you can use all of them.
Jared: I'm gonna put 75% of the covers on 2 of them and yell at them for farting and throw one all over the place telling it to calm down

He misses us, I promise.

Artistic Ability.

In planning for our wedding, I somehow thought it a good idea to DIY (or "do it yourself" for non-message-board-fanatics) a bunch of things. I've also decided to do little projects that are ridiculously easy (or so they look). But I've found that I have no artistic ability whatsoever. I turned to Jared for support, and ever the encouraging husband (to be), he had a suggestion for me.

Me: I've always thought that every person in the world had even a little artistic ability, some sort of little talent. But I've found that I have none whatsoever.
Jared: Maybe you can fart music.
Me: I've never considered it.
Jared: Maybe you can fart pitch-perfect showtunes.
Me: I've never tried it.
Jared: Maybe you should look into it.

Pending. Or not. Girls don't fart.

Loud farts

Jared is a sleep talker. And he is very vocal when he gets started. I like to engage him, mostly to see what sorts of gems will come about. This was a couple months ago but I just stumbled upon it on his Facebook wall, where I usually post them so he and the rest of his friends list will know what I get to live with. So enjoy this one.

Jared: I gotta check the ticket stubs.
Me: for what?
Jared: Woodstock.
Me: are we going to Woodstock?
Jared: yes.
.Me: who's playing?
Jared: Steve carrell.
Me: he plays music now?
Jared: yes.
Me: do you like his music?
Jared: baby I'm just fucking with you.
Me: why?
Jared: (loud fart). That's why.