Shannon Elizabeth

Me: She's really big into animal rescue
Jared: She's really big in the chest department too. Yeah, I went there.

Not quite the same as rescuing animals, but it'll do.

Motor. Boat.

Me: You haven't complimented my rack all day. I think it looks quite nice today and you haven't said anything.
Jared: (responds by grabbing my boob)
Me: No, I want words. Words. Compliments!
Jared: Ok, you want words? I gotta word for you. It's called "motorboat" (begins to motorboat me). There. I told you some words, then I turned it into a verb. Words.

A minute later...
Jared: I didn't even get a boner from that. Man, I'm doing great!

What Jared really thinks about me

Jared: there are too many dirt bikes in this store
me: one can never have enough dirt bikes.
Jared: who asked you?
me: how many are there?
Jared: like 12.                                                                                                                                             Me: I need one. Mine are broken
Jared: that's bc you're a goddamn moe-ron
Me: I think I'm quite smart
Jared: nobody asked you
me: so can I borrow one?
Jared: no
me: why not?
Jared: bc you're a goddamn moe-ron

 And then he put his hand on my boob and left it there.