Better dinners

Jared: why are my clothes on the floor?
Me: because I've learned you'll put them up if I throw them on the floor.
Jared: and I've learned that if I hit you, you'll cook better dinners. There. We're both learning things.

What turns jared on

Me (referring to our Words with Friends game): oh my God! Stop beating me!
Jared: you know, the more you say that, the more it turns me on.

More about beatings

Jared: if I were an abusive husband, id beat Sheila to show you what could happen to you. Oh, Mehgan  burned dinner again? Time to cut off Sheila's tail. Oh wait, for her to be able to burn dinner, she has to cook. (From the other room now:) do I have to come to the other room to see the dirty look you're giving me?

Yes. Yes he had to.

nose bleeds

me: ive been getting random nose bleeds lately.
jared: yea but the kitchen's clean