Christmas presents

Me: I think we should make Christmas presents this year to save money
Jared: I've got Christmas covered this year. We give everyone fake sonogram pictures and then the next month, we will tell them we had a miscarriage.
Me: (utter disbelief)
Jared: are you in?
Me: you're a terrible person.
Jared: that's not a no.

Jared's Christmas Thoughts

jared, upon seeing a closed tattoo shop on christmas:

"i think all tattoo shops should be open on Christmas. that way i can get liquored up on eggnog and get an advent calendar tattooed across my chest."