Post business travel

Jared: I haven't seen you in a week. If you get pregnant and it's a girl, we're naming her Marina.
Me: why Marina?
Jared: because the hotel I stayed at this week was on Marina Mile Road. We can't very well name her Ramada.

Hotel Pillows

Jared: I have 6 pillows on this bed
Me: you can use all of them.
Jared: I'm gonna put 75% of the covers on 2 of them and yell at them for farting and throw one all over the place telling it to calm down

He misses us, I promise.

Hotel room beds

Jared is away on business this week, and he's staying in a hotel. He wanted a room with just one big bed, not two. But the plus to having two beds?

"I can use one bed for sleeping and one bed for jerking off."

Good thing he ended up getting a room with one big bed. Still, those poor maids.