Flaws in logic and ass

Me: Why in the hell would you not take the food out of the pan before you rinsed it? You can't put water over food and just let it sit there.
Jared: I cleaned it up!
Me: Just putting water in it isn't cleaning it up. Do you not see the flaws in your logic here?
Jared: Do you want to talk about flaws in my logic? B/c I can talk about the flaws in your ass!
Me: I'm just saying to take the food out of the pan before rinsing the pan out!
Jared: 847 dimples! And 43 pimples! And I have to look at it! ALL WHILE TRYING TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION!

Ouch.

Another husband blog...

Much like The Sleep Talking Man, my fiance Jared (who will be my husband in just a few short months) says funny things in his sleep. But sometimes (actually, more like daily) I am graced with the most random-ass sayings and quips and insults that aren't said in his sleep. Some of these things are downright jaw-dropping and offensive, and other times they are aimed at me and make me say "Wow, I'm so lucky!" Purely sarcastically, of course. But for the most part, he makes me laugh like no one else, and he doesn't even try. Because he's just being himself.

When he talks in his sleep, I try to engage him. I try to keep the conversation going to see what he will say. I've never been able to record it so I can have audio proof (but a girl can hope!) but I would always post them on his Facebook wall so he can wake up in the morning and see the results of his beauty rest.

Then it became posts about what he says to me when he isn't sleeping. Some of them I think even the people at Family Guy would find offensive. Those aren't really Facebook friendly (hey, we've got family on there). But for the most part, they are enough to generate comments like "Wow, you should start a blog" because some things he says are really unbelievable.

I have no idea if this will generate even a little bit of traffic, but if I can entertain someone, then I've done my job. So enjoy the crap Jared says. And consider yourself lucky he's not yours.