Chick-Fil-A ordering

Me, pulling up to the trash can thinking it's a drive thru: I always think this is where I'm supposed to order! It looks like the speaker box.
(Pulls up to the proper spot)
Chick-Fil-A girl: Hi, order when you're ready.
Jared: Hi, I'll take a smarter wife with a side order of rich please.

Self-confidence

Jared: What are you doing?
Me: Looking at myself in the mirror.
Jared: Sigh.
Me: What? Wouldn't you rather have a wife who likes the way she looks?
Jared: No, I want a wife with no self-confidence who I can berate.

That wasn't said with sarcasm, either.

blow job politics

jared: you know, im still very pro blow job.
me: and im still very anti blow job.
jared: i thought you were more middle of the road?
me: blow jobs arent politics.
jared: it is if you want to be re-elected as wife.