Last words

After watching an episode of "how I met your mother" about someone's last words:

Jared: I want my last words to you to be epic. Something like "take your time coming home from work. I shit on the carpet and I want to have it clean before you get home. It's disgusting. Here's a pic".

He would.

Sweet nothings

Got home from work today to find a note written on the bathroom mirror in dry erase marker. Jared does little things like this when he has to redeem himself or otherwise wants to look romantic. But, Jared being Jared, he puts his own spin on things. I'll let you people figure that out.

(you can clicky the picture to make it bigger)

The Bowel Movement

Jared: so you've got the Tea Party Movement, and now you've got the Coffee Movement. I'm starting a new movement: the Bowel Movement. Because they're all full of shit. That's my political affiliation now.

Then, to Sheila:
Jared: would you be our mascot, Sheila? You like poop. (In the "Sheila voice") "I like poop!"

Crap dreams

Jared: I had a dream last night that you needed to poop so badly that you made me leave the house and then check in on Facebook wherever I was to prove I was far enough away from the house and then you pooped and got stuck on the toilet and I had to come rescue you. But then you got mad that it took me so long to get home. That was actually a pretty plausible dream. Like that could happen.  I don't wanna dream stuff that could be real one day. I wanna dream stuff like Sheila becomes Senator or something.