Jared the gamer

Jared got a new computer game tonight called "Civilizations" or some such crap. Here are some random lines that he's spouted off throughout playing the game.

"I think I just declared war on a whale."
"I created the alphabet and want to trade it with someone for their mathematics. They said that wasn't enough. Yeah, good luck trying to do complex math without that X."
"Napolean Bonaparte is declaring war against me? Bring it on, you fucking midget."
"Is it sad that Ghengis Khan is my only ally?"
"How the fuck did someone else create Christianity? I'm not even finished creating Judaism just yet!! I guess Jesus really wasn't a Jew."

Such is the life of the wife of a gamer.

Extreme hotness.

This is an oldie but a goodie. Most of the time that Jared talks in his sleep, his eyes are open and he appears as though he's awake because he's talking quite well and, well, he's looking dead at me. So sometimes i don't realize that he's actually talking in his sleep. 

Jared, opening his eyes at my entrance to the bedroom: I'm trying to figure out who you are
Me: who else would it be?
Jared: 15 hotties
Me: anyone in particular?
Jared: 15 lookalikes
.Me: what would you do if there were 15 people who looked like me?
Jared: I'd do them
Me: where would you start?
Jared: I'd do them alphabetically starting in the middle. I'd start with the N's and would work my way back to the A's.

 Well at least I know he wants me and only me! 

 Also shown by this sleep-talking conversation:

Jared: go away. You're too hot.
Me: hot?
Jared: hot as in sexy. Too sexy. I might attack you. Too sexy.
Me: how am I too sexy?
Jared: standing by that red bull display. Too sexy. Sexy. 

 Redbull not only gives people wings, but it also gives them extreme sexiness.